Friday, June 12, 2009

News Flash!

People are advised to stay indoors, load shotguns, notch crossbows, and take up the zombie emergency brace position (sit, place head between knees, and kiss your arse goodbye).

Once more the ineptitude of local law enforcement and the woefully underfunded facility that is the Turkey Shoot Zombie farm has come to the fore. The fences have failed once more, but this time the walking undead managed to rip apart the authorities before any alarm was raised.

The first anyone knew there was any danger was when this poor fellow was impacted by the 20:30 bus to central station. Did he become a zombie just to be treated so badly that he no longer knows if his ear from his elbow? Possibly, but the point is, he was supposed to be kept behind fences so the good people of the world could take pot shots at his brain from safety.

When the bus driver realised he hadn’t actually killed anyone, he radioed in the emergency. Unfortunately to additional escapees (pictured below) entered the bus and made quick work of the lightly populated bus. Apparently one witness also saw them make a hat from a stomach, a broach from an eyeball and a necklace from a string of intestines.

Worse news is the appearance of a new type of zombieism with what is being called the Silver Strain. Luckily for us, they seem to congregate near discount record shops playing seventies music and dingy adult book stores.

The mayor has taken control of the situation and sent out a crack team of zombie hunters to clean them up. These lucky girls currently hold the highest score on the Zombie Hunt game at the arcade so we can rest assured our safety will be returned to us soon. If they fail, then the ultimate weapon, the Query Ninja shall be unleashed!

Only one last creature of doom remains unaccounted for. His keeper, who had the night off tonight with illness, was located at the local watering hole, imbuing his spirit with a top secret fortification liquid he wasn’t at liberty to reveal. He mentioned that arse-about-face, as he is lovingly called, is a gentle creature that wouldn’t hurt a fly. If seen please ring
1-800-zombie-return and someone will be round to collect him.

We believe this is the picture of the creature at large although someone in the field office swears it was the keeper.

Please stay indoors until you hear the all clear.

Thank you. That is all.

(All images shamefully stolen from other areas, but I am willing to throw up thank you's if you can be bothered to claim them)


  1. Snarf. It's like reject zombies on parade.

  2. Ha, the arse-face chappie was my favourite!

  3. Send the zombie hunters my way, i think I have an infestation.

  4. Turkey Shoot Zombie Farm.

    Stunning idea.

  5. HAHA! You're an evil genius. That is all :-) brilliant.

  6. A quick confession, I've been reading NT 6 and the Zombie Farm idea is used in there. I've just twisted it to my own ends.

    Glad you all liked it.